Frustration as Fuel

Dear Universe,

Ugh, yesterday was awful. My attempts to embrace the positive did not last long once I got to work. That place is awful and I don't know how much more I can handle. They dump on you, they treat you like you are less than human. And they do it all in the name of the almighty dollar. I suppose that is a big part of my problem, I won't do just anything or allow myself to be treated badly for a buck. There is a word for people that do that, it's whore. I'm not a whore.

Aren't there such things as labor laws in this country? The way they conduct business they must be violating some of those laws. I am going to take this frustration and use it as fuel to find something better. I know there is a lesson here somewhere, I just don't see it yet.

This ongoing situation of trying to find a job that is right for me has taught me one thing. My wonderful husband loves and supports me no matter what I'm going through. I knew that already, but I am being reminded of it daily right now and I'm so grateful for that.

I know he is frustrated with this situation too. He doesn't like to see me so lost, unhappy and stressed, but there is really very little he can do to fix it for me. He does the only thing he can do, he listens, he gives advice when he has some to offer and he provides stress relief for me.

I will continue to explore all the possibilities I can find and leave myself open to something good happening. With Musicman's continued love and support and some divine intervention I know eventually I will find the right place for me.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower

Brutal Day

Dear Universe,

I tried so hard yesterday not to spiral out of control. I embraced the positive which buoyed my spirits some, until I got to work. The amount of cases they have assigned, is not physically possible to complete in the time I have available. That stresses me some.

Musicman tells me not to worry, do what I can and don't worry about the rest. Great advice, if only I could take it. I just can't do any less than my best, when my best isn't good enough, I start to have problems. I know that what they are asking of me is too much, but when I voice that, they don't care.

I don't really care that they don't care. What I do care about is the fact that I need this paycheck. I don't want to jeopardize my family and our home. I heard from co-workers yesterday that the out of town supervisors are coming in this week, possibly today, ugh.

I don't think it is a good idea for me to talk to them. Having done their job before, I am going to find it very difficult not to tell them EXACTLY what I think. Musicman tells me to say whatever I need to say. If I do that, I will probably get fired. To which he says, so what, let them fire you.

I love the fact that he is so supportive. I love that he lets me rant and rave and get it all out. He understands he can't fix this for me, but he always offers words of support and advice. That is a true gift to me. I just don't want to let him down, and if I end up getting fired for running my mouth that is how I would feel.

Of course, I also feel guilty coming home so emotionally and physically exhausted that I can't even make dinner. He never judges or ridicules or is disappointed in me for that, but I am. It's that need I have to be all things to all people. I am trying to change that mindset, but it's just not easy for me. Especially when it's the things I want to do that I can't get done.

Give me strength to get through this day in a better manner then yesterday.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower