Patience Pays Off

Dear Universe,

The patience paid off, yesterday I was offered the job I have spent the last three weeks interviewing for. It's taken three years, but I think I finally found the right place for me. Thank you. I was so excited I called Musicman at work to tell him. I usually only call if it is an emergency, but I just had to share the news with him right away. He has been so patient and supportive throughout this process that I wanted to share the good news with him.

I start the week after next, so only one more week of unscheduled time for me. I will have to spend some time next week getting the preliminary stuff done, paperwork and a physical need to be completed. That should be relatively easy to accomplish, a bit time consuming, but not too bad.

I haven't heard how my brother's treatment went yesterday, which worries me some. My SIL has a tendency to not respond when she doesn't want to worry me with bad news. I'm hoping everything went well and I will try again today to reach her.

Even that worry wasn't enough to dampen my spirits about the new job though. I really believe this is going to be a good fit for me. The staff, from what I've seen so far, are pretty awesome and the clients should be fun to work with. For the first time in quite a long while I am genuinely excited about a job.

We had a lovely celebration last night. Definitely worthy of a faerie post, but I sorta doubt I will post anything. The only one I really feel like sharing with is Musicman. It was absolutely wonderful, multiple implements, which I loved every minute of, combined with overt domination and I was one happy girl.

I do wish I had communicated a bit more during the encounter. Seems writing is not the only place I have lost my voice. I was never good at talking during intimate encounters, but with his encouragement it was starting to improve. I love the words, they fan the flames of arousal and I would like to give that to him too. I suppose I just need more encouragement from him to get moving in that area again. He used a word last night that he rarely uses, "Master". He hasn't actually ever said he wants me to call him that, but I think maybe he does. Something I will have to work on too.

I still haven't made any decision about my faerie blog. I want to keep that window into my head open for Musicman, but I'm not feeling it for any other reason right now. Maybe I will take it private for just him and I for a while. Or, maybe not, I don't know.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower

Another Soul to Keep

Dear Universe,

Just when I think things can't get any worse, they do. Our son showed up last night, belongings in tow, asking to move back in. Despite the fact that we haven't heard from him in over 4 months, we said yes.

I'm so frustrated with these kids. I'm a Mom, I love my kids, but I don't always like the decisions they make. My children seem to need to learn everything the hard way, and they don't care who they hurt in the process. I want the best for them, but I'm tired of being hurt by them.

I am off to another frustrating day of training at a job I don't want, and now I have the added worry of wondering what is going on at my home with the kids. They are notorious for not getting along well with each other. They are both certainly old enough to not behave like spoiled 2 year olds having a temper tantrum, but historically that hasn't been the case.

I thought we had gotten to a time in our life when we could start to relax and slow down a little. Maybe even focus on ourselves and having some fun. Now, I anticipate us never having time to ourselves. No private time means no playtime.

Playtime should probably not be my focus, but if I can't enjoy life occasionally, what is the point of working so hard? If possible, I feel more lost then ever about what I am supposed to be doing with my life. The only thing I know for sure anymore, is that Mr. loves me unconditionally and hopefully this won't add distance between us.

I had already been struggling to not pull away too much due to the demands on  my time with this new job. Now, after a long, hard day at work I can't even look forward to playtime when I get home. Can I run away now? Of course, I could, but I never have any success talking Mr. into going with me. I can't go without him because without him, I have no reason to live.

I'm begging you, please send me some positive news soon. I seriously don't know how much more stress I can take. Especially since my main form of stress relief has been greatly curtailed due to having no privacy. Yes, I'm stuck in a vicious circle and can't find my way out.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower

Day 2

Dear Universe,

Well, 2 days into the new job and I'm surviving. It's group training, which sorta sucks big ones. One of my pet peeves is being read to. I read fast and hate having to listen to someone read to me what is right in front of my face. That comprised most of my day today, ugh.

The employer wasn't really prepared for us, which is not very reassuring, but not much can be done about that. I'm coping the best I can and have been biting my tongue quite a bit so as not to say the scathing things running through my mind.

It sounds arrogant of me, but once I get the training on the computer programs I will be good to go. Whereas, most of my co-workers in training have no medical field experience and don't seem to have the mindset of what being or dealing with, medical professionals is all about.

I should look at all this as a positive for me. My experience and knowledge should put me a step above the others and make it easier for me to stand out and move up quickly. I've already established that I don't want to work outside the home, but financial pressures demand it, so I might as well attempt to put my best foot forward and try to move up quickly.

I did discover that the same company who is the client of the company I am working for has a work at home program. That is something to keep in the back of mind in case I ever decide to try and pursue that option. Right now the better money isn't in that program, so I might as well attempt to make the best of the situation in front of me.

If it seems like I am doing better with my overall attitude dealing with these situation, it's because I am. There are 2 reasons I see for that. The first is that I have at least gotten started, so some of the anticipation and fear are subsiding. Though I still need to go shoe and undie shopping.

The second reason is Mr. He has been so supportive even though he probably doesn't totally understand my reluctance to work outside the home. He continues to tell me multiple times a day that everything is going to be okay. He also continues to offer to work more days and even get a second job so I don't have to work. I can't justify that, but I appreciate it.

Am I gonna love this job? I highly doubt it, but I may learn to at least not hate it, and the paycheck every week will help. Mr. worries so much about money, and I understand that worry even though I don't worry about it. If I can relieve some of that worry, well, it's worth all the crap. Plus, I still plan on starting that vacation fund. It may take awhile to save for someplace nice, but I don't get any paid vacation time for a year anyway.

As long as I save something from every pay, it will add up nicely. In a year or so, we might just be able to take the vacation of a lifetime. Since the only vacations we have ever taken have been to visit family, it doesn't have to be an epic trip around the world to be a vacation of a lifetime for us. That's the beauty of living simply.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower

Oasis of Time

Dear Universe,

Another week gone, time to celebrate. We've always looked at the weekends as little oasis' of time to play. That's a good thing for me, as time is the most valuable thing to me.

We've gotten our chores done and are settling in for a nice weekend together. We had some great playtime last night, which has greatly improved my mood. If I was still writing my other blog, I'd have quite the story to tell.

I just don't feel like talking about those things right now. It was important to me to focus on our relationship and writing a relationship/sex blog did that very nicely. But, right now, there are other things I need to focus on. Mostly, being a women in today's society and how I deal with all the demands on my time.

I am prepping to start another new job next week. This will be the third job in less than a year for me. That's a lot for anyone, but for some one who changed jobs only once a decade, it's a huge amount. It used to be that I was steadily moving up in my career and when I changed jobs it was to take a better position.

Unfortunately, that is not currently the case. Healthcare here has become extremely competitive and most places are controlled by one of two huge entities that are located outside the city. When you work for them you are not a person, you are a number. I was a number for one of them for 10 years and have no wish to go back to that.

I'm hoping that once I get started with this new job, I will be able to move up quickly. It is a new program that they are planning on growing fast. It's not healthcare, but it deals with healthcare and is something I have a lot of experience in. If I have to give up my dream of not working outside the house, it might as well be worth my while. Hopefully, I will be able to accomplish that very quickly.

It may not allow me much time to play, but maybe it will give me the much needed stability, both financially and otherwise to start planning again. A stable schedule will go a long way to helping me choose what extra curricular activities I will have time to undertake. It may be the volunteer work I had planned on starting. It might be the classes I was planning to begin taking, or it might be returning to writing my other blog and being an active member in that community again. At this point, I don't know, because I haven't achieved that stability, yet.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower