Unfocused Thoughts

Dear Universe,

I can't seem to get focused today. I've been up for hours, chauffeured the kids around first thing. The mundane awaits me in the form of my to do list. I have no problem knocking things off the to do list. It's the crazy thoughts that run through my head while I clean that bother me. I feel like I get lost in those thoughts sometimes. It's a good thing housework is so automatic, if I had to think about it I would probably mess it up.

Ahhh, but, then again, maybe if I had something more to focus on other then housework my thoughts wouldn't have time to run away with me. So much more to that thought just floating around in the back ground. I can't quit get my hand on it.

That's not true. I can get my hand on it. I just don't want to grab it. I don't want to hold it. It's gonna burn, I know it. I'm not ready for that yet. I say that even as I know this issue is time sensitive, and I'm running out of time with it.

I still have faith that the answer will come. I've still got a little bit of time to deal with this particular issue.

More pressing at the moment is his continuing health issues. It has become an almost full time job just managing them. Doctors and tests and appointments and insurance paperwork and meds and and and....It can be exhausting at times, and since he is the one that is sick and not me, I also have to deal with doing it alone. He doesn't have much energy and he is very focused in how he uses his. I am not a priority.

He doesn't mean to ignore me, he doesn't mean to hurt me. He is not doing this on purpose. I understand that completely. But, I still get lonely. I miss my big, brooding husband. He needs to come back to me. He wants to, he is trying, but it's slow going.

We have 2 appointments tomorrow to address two different issues. They will most certainly lead to more appointments and procedures, more coordination of everything and everyone. Fingers crossed though, this may actually be the answer to the set backs in his recovery he has been having.  That is worth any angst I have about a job. That is fodder for thought for another day.

Love
Lolita Lilyflower