Getting Moving

Dear Universe,

It's hump day, yay. I'm feeling really good today, if a little bit sore. I needed to get my big butt moving and get some of the winter weight off. I'm not a big eater to begin with so restricting calorie intake doesn't help me much. The only thing that really helps is getting moving, another lovely side effect of menopause.

I started on the treadmill again this week. I've been up and on it by 7:30 every morning. It is definitely helping my back loosen up, which is wonderful. My hips and legs are screaming at me, but if it helps me slim back down I'll live with it.

I have started keeping a weigh in log too. That helps keep me on track. I have a goal in mind and seeing the progress in black and white is very helpful to me. If I can lose 20 pounds I will be back where I was last summer. I was happy at that weight, but am hoping to lose 40 pounds this time.

I know it is time to stop when Musicman starts telling me not to lose any more weight. Isn't that truly music to any woman's ears? A man saying you are the perfect size and he doesn't want you getting any skinnier? He makes me laugh, cause he always says he doesn't want me to lose my butt. I have a bubble butt. I have been heard to say my butt exits a room ten minutes after I do. The fact that he likes it so much has gone a long way in changing how I feel about it.

We thought for a second we were going to get some private time last night. Our daughter left just as we were getting home so Musicman offered to give our son a ride to his girlfriend's house. No go though, he wasn't feeling well and didn't want to go out. What does it take to catch a break with these two?

Of course, I had to be a tease anyway. I usually change clothes as soon as I come home from work. Last night I waited until he was ready to go up and change and went with him. I removed my skirt first and then my sweater. I guess the fact that I was walking around in OTK socks and lace panties insired him. A fly by spanking did occur. Hey, a girls' gotta do what a girl's gotta do. The socks get him every time, they are magical.

I thought I had decided what I was gonna do about my other blog, about being faerie. As you know, I still want to give her a voice, but it seems things are changing. I thought when I was ready to give her her voice back I would just go back and post occasionally. Now, people are starting to find me here and since I had to have my faerie pics it is pretty easy to figure out that I am faerie. Maybe there is a way to link the two blogs.

I have to give this more thought. I can't imagine too many people are interested in the day to day goings on I write about here, but do I want to keep two seperate blogs or do I want to write about everything here. I so love my faerie persona I can't give her up. Definitely needs more thought.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower

Better Day

Dear Universe,

I'm feeling some better today. It is just so hard when it feels like my dreams are dying.

I wish I didn't see it that way. I wish I saw it as a new adventure, an opportunity for growth. I am trying to focus on that aspect, it's getting a little easier too.

I believe it's getting easier for me now that I gave up my other blog. It was so hard to say goodbye to friend's. To leave a community where I fit in so well, that's been rare for me in my life.

It feels like I am letting a part of myself go, but right now it might be easier to let her go. And then my thoughts wander, to the idea that it really does feel like a whole different personality. Am I sane? Why does it so clearly feel like I can not be a successful career woman and a successful sub at the same time?

Being a sub made me so vulnerable that I only feel safe within his immediate circle of energy. That circle includes our home, which I rarely leave without him. Not because he won't let me, but because I just don't want too. That's where I feel safest and happiest.

We created, together, a haven that I resent having to leave. I resent working so hard my whole life, and getting so close to reaching my dreams, only to have them snatched out of my grasp. That's what it feels like right now. They were there, now they are gone.

But, that's not really true, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and find the energy to work hard for what I want. I've always had to do that, as does everyone else. Why do I think it should be different for me?

Ah, but it's not that I don't want to work hard. It's that I want to work hard at things that interest me. I want to work hard at taking care of my home and my husband. I want time. Time to play at whatever strikes my fancy. If I want to dance while I vacuum my home, I want the time and the energy to do that. If I want to spend the day cooking and baking and doing domestic chores, I want the time and energy to do that at my pace. I want to take the time to breath, to enjoy the simple things in life.

I don't want to live my life, on some one else's schedule, doing what I'm told just to earn a buck. I have a lot of attitude adjusting to do. I better get to work on it.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower