I'm nervous, I leave in 1/2 hour for the interview. I am hoping it goes well. You know how I am, I build things up in my mind. I get over excited and start picturing how things will work out. That positivity is just ingrained in me most of the time. The problem is when things don't work out the way I picture them.
Disappointment and depression set in. The meltdown begins. I just can't go through that again. If I can just get this last issue settled then I feel like I can move forward with my life. I feel like just this one little missing part comes into place and then everything will be good.
It is so hard to maintain the positive outlook without becoming too excited and hopeful. The crash if it doesn't work out is so painful. And, given the fact that this isn't really a little issue doesn't help things. The reality is if I don't find an answer soon we could be in danger of losing everything.
It breaks my heart and compounds the guilt I already feel. I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself if we lose everything. I'm a simple kind of girl and don't need much, but Mr. has worked so hard, he deserves better. I need this to workout or it could cause a more serious break in my psyche. That would ruin me and my marriage. If that happens I will have no reason to continue with any of it. I simply love him too much to hurt him like that and not have a lasting negative effect.
Please look kindly on me today, guide my words and actions and help me keep the faith. Thank you.
Love,
lolita Lilyflower
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