What a Weekend

Dear Universe,

Things are moving right along with the new job. I finalized everything this morning and should be starting orientation later this week. Wish I could say everything else is going so well, but that would be a lie.

I received a call from the boy's school Friday afternoon. He managed to mess up big time and got suspended for 2 days. The school just played right into his hands on that one. The kid doesn't like school to begin with. He walks out on a regular basis and on the days he doesn't he is usually asleep in class. He is thrilled to be out of school for 2 extra days. He of course is taking advantage of the situation and hasn't been coming home at night.

That behavior started a few weeks ago, he just wouldn't come at all on Friday and saturday nights. When questioned all he will say is he was at a friend's house. We don't know who's house or where it is. If this behavior keeps up it will be tough love time. That means live by our rules or get out. Not what either Mr or I want, but we are both quickly getting tired of him thinking he is an adult and acting like a child.

I had dinner with my brother Friday night and he gave me some disturbing news. Mom has terminal cancer and is refusing treatment. The doctors say she has a year to a year and half. But, she was diagnosed 7 months ago and didn't tell anyone, so who knows really how long. Now I have to figure out what I am going to do about the fact that we haven't spoken in 2 years.

In some ways I am pissed, because now I have to be the bigger person and go apologize and make peace with her. I don't want to, but I also now that if I don't and she dies I will probably regret it. I don't want that. I just don't know what to do or what I will say. She is my Mother, and I am supposed to love her, but...

Isn't there always a but? I'm just tired of always having to be the bigger person. I am the one who was abused as a child. She was my Mother, it was her job to protect me and she failed. I have tried over the years to forgive and move on, but then she will say something stupid like the abuse was my fault. She has also said that I asked for it. How does a toddler ask to be raped by her father? 

I just don't know what I am going to do. Thank goodness I have Mr, he will help me figure it out.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower