Standing at a Crossroad

Dear Universe,

I've often heard it said that if you follow your passion the money will follow. What happens when you loose your passion?

That is what I have been facing for some time now. I followed my passion,  I gave it my all, too much really. I got caught up in life and being everything for everyone, because that was my passion. I was a caregiver. I knew from a very early age that is what I wanted to do.

Circumstances conspired against me and I did not follow my passion as far as I could have. Even though I tried several times to obtain the higher education needed to make myself and what I had to offer, more valuable, it never worked out.

I didn't let that stop me though. I worked hard, took every opportunity to gain knowledge when it was offered. I moved up in my career and got caught up in the politics of corporate health care. That's when things started to go wrong. That's when the passion started to die, when I became less and less happy with my career.

Unfortunately, I was making decent money, so I ignored the feelings of dissatisfaction. I understood that I was dissatisfied, but my family needed the money to survive and thrive. I was too busy "having it all" to see that in reality, I was loosing myself. By the time I did open my eyes and see what was happening, it was too late.

I was no longer feeling the passion, I was so caught up in corporate health care that I didn't protect my own morals and ethics. When the career ended, I knew it would be okay. I knew I needed to spend the time to my find myself and feel the passion again.

I've been doing just that, finding myself, I feel the passion again, but not for being a caregiver. I don't think I can ever go back to that. I have accepted that and with the corporate takeovers that are occurring here where I live, the jobs in health care are few and far between anyway.

I am a middle aged woman with excellent customer service skills and a strong base of knowledge. I have much to offer, but of course, it comes with a price and employers aren't willing to pay that price. They realize that they can hire some one younger, less experienced, less talented, pay them less and they will still do an adequate job. If they don't, there are hundreds more people for them to choose from.

I haven't quite figured out how to proceed from here. What exactly do I feel passionate enough about to pursue a career in? Nothing really. There are things I want to do with my life, things I want to learn and dabble in, but none of that will bring me any money. Or, I should say, nothing I know how to make money doing. Just the thought of having to try and make money at them makes me ill.

I want to do things for the pure joy of doing them, learn new things for the experience of learning. That sounds quite ideal, unfortunately, it doesn't pay the bills. I've been standing at a cross road for some time now, it's time to pick a direction and move on already. Time to try and pave the way to new experiences.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower