Brutal Day

Dear Universe,

I tried so hard yesterday not to spiral out of control. I embraced the positive which buoyed my spirits some, until I got to work. The amount of cases they have assigned, is not physically possible to complete in the time I have available. That stresses me some.

Musicman tells me not to worry, do what I can and don't worry about the rest. Great advice, if only I could take it. I just can't do any less than my best, when my best isn't good enough, I start to have problems. I know that what they are asking of me is too much, but when I voice that, they don't care.

I don't really care that they don't care. What I do care about is the fact that I need this paycheck. I don't want to jeopardize my family and our home. I heard from co-workers yesterday that the out of town supervisors are coming in this week, possibly today, ugh.

I don't think it is a good idea for me to talk to them. Having done their job before, I am going to find it very difficult not to tell them EXACTLY what I think. Musicman tells me to say whatever I need to say. If I do that, I will probably get fired. To which he says, so what, let them fire you.

I love the fact that he is so supportive. I love that he lets me rant and rave and get it all out. He understands he can't fix this for me, but he always offers words of support and advice. That is a true gift to me. I just don't want to let him down, and if I end up getting fired for running my mouth that is how I would feel.

Of course, I also feel guilty coming home so emotionally and physically exhausted that I can't even make dinner. He never judges or ridicules or is disappointed in me for that, but I am. It's that need I have to be all things to all people. I am trying to change that mindset, but it's just not easy for me. Especially when it's the things I want to do that I can't get done.

Give me strength to get through this day in a better manner then yesterday.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower