Hump Day Hang Over

Dear Universe,

I'm so tired today. I have a melatonin hang over. I couldn't sleep last night, so I took extra to help me sleep. I slept well, but had weird dreams. Today I'm having trouble shaking it off.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I'm tired and have to go to work. It's too depressing to think about the fact that work takes all my energy. I hate not having the ability to do the things I want to do because I always have to work.

So, I'm gonna think of positive things. I'm gonna picture the conversation of asking to work part time hours and getting a positive response. Maybe that will keep my mind from straying to thoughts of, "I hate this job." This job isn't necessarily any worse than any others, I'm just having a hard time adjusting to the environment.

I've never worked in this kind of environment before. It's loud, it's too warm, and it is chocked full of less then professional behavior. That's hard for me to deal with, as I'm used to an extremely professional environment.

My alter ego has been on my mind a lot lately too. I miss writing as her. I miss being her. I don't know if I will ever return to being her. I want to, but I don't know if I can, or should. I think I write better as her, but I have my doubts about starting it again.

Mr. never mentions missing reading her, which of course leads me to believe he doesn't. It's probably a relief to him to not feel obligated to read and respond to her. I could, of course write for myself, that's why I originally started that blog, but the feed back and the support was so nice.

Being in her headspace feels so natural and it feels like I am losing her. I think about popping in and doing a post, but then I don't. I don't want to start again, only to not have the time to continue. I guess I should wait a little more time. Maybe soon I can get the work hours I want and get settled into some kind of regular routine. That will help, it seems like I've been at loose ends trying to put this one last piece of the puzzle in for a long time now.

I'm gonna stay strong, I'm gonna go for what I want, I'm gonna think positive and manifest a positive outcome. I will get my sub back. I miss being faerie.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower