Here we go, it's Monday again. I'd be happier about another week starting if we had had the opportunity for some real quality playtime over the weekend, but that didn't happen. I'm starting to feel as if Mr really isn't all that interested in me any more.
Things were good when I had the time to write about that part of our lives. It kept it in the spotlight and the forefront of both our minds. Now, it rarely seems to cross his mind that I need him. That I need the dominance and the pain. He seems very content to let it all go by the wayside and just spend his time on the computer.
I know what he looks at on the computer, he gets to look to his hearts content and they make no demands on him. I suppose that's part of the problem, I've become so needy and he isn't interested in stepping up to meet those extra needs. I need to do something to get them uder control, cause relying on him to help me makes me vulnerable.
It doesn't really work all that well, relying on him anyway. He never seems to have the energy for me anymore. He works hard, he deserves to have down time, that I understand. What I don't understand is how I can work just as hard at my job and still feel responsible for so much at home.
I don't know what I can do to get these needs under control. Crying myself to sleep and in the shower every morning isn't productive. Maybe if I can get my TV fixed so I can start working out that will help. Maybe the endorphin rush from exercising will help make up for the lack of playtime we currently seem to be going through. Maybe then I won't feel so alone all the time.
Okay, dinner is almost done and I have to get in the shower and get ready for work. I'm not looking forward to it, but I've got about an hour or so to wipe away the tears and talk myself into a better mood.
Love,
Lolita Lilyflower
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