Statistics Show

Dear Universe,

Statistics show that caregivers die before the people they care for. I have seen this to be true many times in my career and a few times in my personal life as well. I didn't doubt it, but now I know why it's true.

Care givers die of frustration because the people they are caring for don't listen. Yes, Mr. is still not feeling well and for the second time in three days I woke up to him yelling at me. Cause everyone knows it's perfectly okay to abuse the people who care about you the most, right?

If he had just listened to me and called Doc two days ago, he would already be on the medicine and starting to feel better. But no, he didn't want to call Doc, and he would let me call him. This morning he told me to call him and ask for the medicine. I did call and ask, but they want to see him.

He's not happy about having to go and see him and based on his reaction, he blames me for not doing what he said. I tried, but they wouldn't listen. So I got yelled at, yay. Now, with very little sleep, cause our son's girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to call our home and wake me up at one in the morning. Not once, but twice she called. And after having been yelled at by him, I'm off to work.

And he wonders what's wrong with me. Maybe the answer is I'm just mentally exhausted and feeling ignored and under appreciated. I also had a first for me during the short amount of time I did sleep, I had a dream. That's not so unusual, it was what the dream was about that was so unusual. It was about TTWD. I've never dreamt about it before. Guess it's been on my mind a bit too much lately.

I'm sure it's because I'm not getting what I need, but I've pretty much given up on getting what I need. That would take effort on his part. He made it pretty clear to me on Saturday with the things he said, that he doesn't like the woman I've become, nor am I worth his time or effort.

It's just gonna take me some time to accept that and let it go. I really believe being truly happy was not in the cards for me in this life time. Maybe in my next life I will choose to be selfish and go after the things that make me happy instead of always putting everyone else's needs first.

I am working on accepting that happiness is only rare snapshots in time for me. It may take awhile, but eventually I will achieve that mindset. Maybe.

Love,
Lolita Lilyflower